Life’s Big Dots: Reflections of a First Time Mother
Updated: Jan 10, 2020
My little baby girl just turned one, a ‘big dot’.
Leading up to this I found myself reflecting on the year gone past. It seems just like yesterday that we were heading to the hospital unaware of what the next 28 hours of labor were going to bring. Now I look back and cannot believe how quickly the year has gone. Her one-year birthday resulted in me thinking about time - where have I been? Where am I now? Where am I going?
I found myself reflecting on what exactly has happened over the last 12 months. Have I been doing what I thought I would have been doing? And if not, is that ok?
What is it that I would like to be doing over the next 12 months as my daughter makes her way from the age of 1 to the age of 2? These thoughts tend to spiral out of control, onto thoughts of her going to school, getting married, leaving .. boo hoo.
With these spiralling thoughts, I take a breath and realise that it doesn’t really matter what lies ahead. What matters most is now. What is it that I am doing right at this moment? Being more present is something that I have not yet mastered and I am hard at work consciously trying to retrain my mind to appreciate being more present.
Life happens now I am realising..
Having said that, I still believe in reflecting. And when I do look back, I remember having thoughts about what would happen in my life. Essentially my thoughts included: finishing university, teaching, buying a house, getting married, having children soon after, taking a break from teaching to be a stay at home mum and repeating with child number 2. I also thought I would be living not too far from my parents so that I would have support while raising a family.
I find myself now living a very different reality. My life did not at all pan out that way; the thoughts that consumed me in my earlier years are not the reality of the now. Why was this?